Where has all the Romance Gone?

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Most of you that know me know I’ve been single for most of my adult life. It’s tough dating nowadays. Social media and online dating has pretty much ruined any chance for people to engage in normal dating interactions and it totally sucks.

There’s no romance in anything anymore. All of a sudden men don’t think they need to try and impress a woman. And ladies… that goes for you too. You should be equally trying to impress them when you’re starting out as they are trying to impress you. Put on some make-up, get dressed up and put in a little extra effort from you day-to-day routines. Men… when did it become okay for you to make sexual advances at a woman before you even say hello? There was a time when you had to work for it.

And don’t think I’m being a prude because I’m not. I’m 30 years old. I know how this works, but if you’re going to be ballsy enough to bring up sex on a first date, at least work for it a little bit. Don’t make a girl feel like absolute trash from the moment you interact with her and don’t get upset when she turns you down. Maybe she’s not into just hooking up and has some self respect to not be interested in that right away.

What happened to the romance? When men used to actually pick a girl up and it took her a while to get ready because she was nervous and excited for a date. What happened to holding open doors for women and giving them your coat when it was cold outside?

Online dating sites have turned the dating world into a cesspool of people who aren’t into any real connection which sucks. And I’m 30 so I’m definitely not going out to bars and meeting people there. Hell I didn’t even like doing that when I was in my early 20s, never mind now.

Occasionally you actually start talking to someone that you are enjoying getting to know and then you’re hit with this whole “ghosting” thing that happens nowadays. When did it become okay to completely ignore another human being in all formats? How long does it actually take to just send a text message saying “Hey sorry. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you a bit but I just don’t think it’s going to work out. No hard feelings.” What’s so wrong with that?

Or you’re chatting with someone and they inevitably find some way to fuck it up and remove all the romance. Tell me something guys… do you really think it’s a good idea when you’re going to take a girl out on a date and they ask you what the plan is to tell them “you haven’t really thought about it”. Just what every girl wants to hear. That you’re putting no effort into wanting to meet her. At least if you haven’t thought about it lie. Say “I have a couple ideas but I want to know what you think is fun”. That way she can at least give you a couple ideas.

Come on guys. Step it up! Let’s get back to the days where romance bloomed and girls… put in some effort. We can’t completely leave it up to the men. We have to at least show some interest.

Let’s bring back the romance!

-BBG

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Happiness is a Choice

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So if any of you are familiar with my mom, you will know that she’s pretty amazing in a lot of different ways. I’m sure I’ll have some sappy mother’s day post on here at some point pretty much laying out how my mother is a rock star in every aspect of her life and in the lives of those around her.

I go to my mom for advice a lot. She teaches me a lot of lessons, allows me to make mistakes, never shoves anything down my throat (physically or metaphorically LOL!) and overall is wise in general when it comes to life and all it’s joys and complications.

So I wanted to share with you a bit of a life lesson I learned from my mother over the years. It’s something I try to remind myself of each and everyday and I feel like it really has turned me into a better person overall.

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

That’s right. You heard it. It’s a choice you must make and decide on each and everyday. Sounds a bit crazy right? I mean c’mon… we need to choose happiness? It’s not something that just happens when all the pieces fall into place? How can that possibly be?

Well let’s think about this… sure, when something really great happens in your life you definitely feel good. You get a promotion at work or a new job, you meet a nice guy (or girl – no judgements here) and things are working out, your kids do something awesome and you’re proud of them… hell I receive a fun piece of mail and get excited (yes I know… but it’s the little things). Your endorphins are triggered and overall you have a feeling of joy and happiness.

But how long does that actually last? If it’s something big perhaps a little longer than normal, but that feeling isn’t permanent. After a while it dies off and then you find yourself searching for the next thing that will bring you that happy high.

Now, if you managed to go through life and wake up everyday choosing to be happy, regardless of what happens, you might find yourself in a much better mood more often. Now… I’m not saying this works all the time. I definitely have days where I wake up and know I’m making the decision to be happy and the day just goes to shit…. it happens.

But that’s okay. Instead of dwelling on that feeling for a long period of time, wake up the next day and choose to be happy again. It really does turn things around. Perhaps not right away… but eventually it will and you will be a much more positive and happy person for it.

The Dalai Lama once said “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions”. My advice to you is to choose it. I promise it’s a choice you won’t ever regret.

-BBG

 

Relax and Unwind

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As most of you know, I am an extremely busy person. It’s completely of my own volition so please don’t ever feel sorry for me. I am the walking talking definition of what most people would call a workaholic.

Let’s be fair though, I’ve been single most of my adult life and I don’t sit still well so I need to do something to fill my time. Since I’m not filling it with someone, I fill it with work. I expect once I settle more into my adult life (and hopefully a relationship one day LOL!) I will start to decrease the amount of time I spend working outside of work. At the moment, I don’t feel like there is a need to. It’s made me extremely successful so far and until something else enters my life that needs more attention, this is how I’m choosing to fill my time.

That being said, I learned a long time ago that even when you are a workaholic, you need a small amount of work/life balance or you get burnt out REALLY QUICKLY. I discovered that the hard way.

You need to find the time to relax and unwind at some point in time. Contrary to what most people think about me, I’m not as extroverted as many people think I am. I’m outgoing, great with people and social situations and am usually never uncomfortable, however, extroverts recharge when they are around others. Introverts recharge on their own. As much as I enjoy social situations, I need some “me” time in order to re-gain my energy.

So about every other week (every week if I can), on Friday nights I bring home a little take-out, pour myself a decent glass of wine (or 2 or 3… LOL!), pick out a movie to rent, a series to partially binge for the night, or pull out a book (usually written by my friend Molly E. Lee or one of her friends who are authors – This is my cheap plug for her – she is amazing and if you like romance novels you should definitely pick up a copy of one of her books) sit back, relax, ignore my phone for the evening (for the most part – there is an elite list I would always answer for) and just let everything float away. I refuse to pull out work, school, bills or any other obligations that might be going on at the time.

It’s my time. I don’t share it with anybody. I don’t get it very often so the few hours where I do are precious and necessary for me to go back to the happy, perky person you all know and love (for the most part because we know that can be a stretch at times! LOL!)

The other thing I really love about this “me” time, is that I try to shut my brain down. While this is very difficult for me, I work really hard to try and not overthink things I’ve done or handled in the last couple of weeks. I really try to make it about relaxation. It allows me to recognize that I do value and respect myself which are key in waking up everyday and making the decision to be happy.

My advice is to be sure to not let yourself get burnt out. Take some time for yourself. Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, heck you could even be a convert! Doesn’t matter who you are or the type of personality you have. There really is value in taking some time to do what you want to do and not worry about others.

Oh! And if you’re really looking to relax and you live here in Connecticut you should definitely check out Del Soul Spa in Newington. This is where I go to over indulge myself. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Let me know what you do to unwind!

-BBG

I Don’t Have the Career I Thought I Would But That’s Okay

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I am a Professional Development Specialist.

Man. That is quite a career title. Raise your hand if you ever said: “I want to be a Professional Development Specialist when I grow up!”

Yeah. Didn’t think so. I never thought this is what I would be when I grew up either, but I can honestly say… I LOVE my job!

I went to college and studied Biology. I had a passion for it. I found it interesting and to be quite frank, I was under the impression that science = money. I spent my entire college career studying the ins and outs of biological sciences, running assays and analyzing and interpreting scientific research. Naturally, when I left college I just assumed I would continue down that career path for a while. I worked in pharmaceutical labs and veterinary hospitals in order to gain field experience, however, I graduated during a time where it was difficult to find work.

So I took the jobs I could get when I could get them. They were usually all temporary, seasonal or internships.

I was starting to get frustrated with myself. I had a BIOLOGY degree. That was supposed to mean something. How was it remotely possible that I could not find a full-time job in my field? I was starting to feel like I had wasted precious time and money studying something that I wasn’t going to make into a career.

I did what most would call crazy at this point in my career and decided to go back to school. Maybe more education would help me find a career that fit my needs. Well… let me tell you – it was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself.

That got me thinking about my journey to where I am today. It is ridiculous to ask an 18 or 19 year old – pretty much what I consider still an adolescent (yes I know we don’t think that when we are 19, but now that I’m 30 I feel like I’ve earned the right to consider 19-year-olds adolescents), to decide what they want to do for the rest of their lives, and that is basically what we ask them to do when they pick a major.

Now I had a passion for biology. I loved doing it and I loved learning about it, but I’ll be honest, I wasn’t the best at it. My skill set was decent when it came to actually doing science, but I would’ve never considered myself an expert and knowing what I know now, I would never have been.

The combination of going back to school along with the experience I gained while I was working during that time really gave me the opportunity to discover what I was good at. Where my skills were hidden and how I could use them to my benefit.

Once I figured that out I was able to determine what the best jobs were for me to apply for instead of just taking shots in the dark with who I thought would hire me based on my degree. It also allowed me to enroll in a graduate plan that taught me to build those skills and improve upon them.

In the end, all of these things came together to help me mold my career to me. Now I am able to use my passion (science) and combine it with my skill set to help make a difference in the next generation which is exactly what I had hoped to do in a career – make a difference in the world.

My advice is to really find out what you’re good at, not just what you like or are passionate about, and find a way to combine those things. Don’t be discouraged if it takes you in a different direction then you had hoped and don’t be discouraged if it takes longer than you think.

We are talking about the rest of your life here. You need to enjoy it.

The last thing you want is to wake up every day and dread going to work. We spend a third of our lives at work. That’s a lot of time. Find something you will be excited to get up and do every day.

-BBG

Patience Earns Results

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A lot of you know I have recently become pretty passionate about politics. It’s a new found love of mine. In doing so I’ve been engaging more in political conversations with people.

I had one recently with someone who said they were upset about change not happening quickly enough with our current president in office (they are a supporter). Now I don’t want to start a debate about conservative vs. liberal vs. republican vs. democrat on here. That’s definitely not what this is about.

But something about that conversation really struck me. This is someone I know who is significantly older than me (a generation above my own), who told me that they were at a point in their lives where they were results driven and everything else in between is ignored. That if you can’t produce, this person had no use for you.

I was a little thrown off because as I’ve grown  and changed throughout the years, I have realized that results take time and patience. How can you expect big changes to happen immediately and quickly? Especially big ones?

Being a results driven person is something I am very familiar with. I was like that for a long time. If something didn’t happen quickly enough for me I became bored and moved on to the next thing. As soon as I knew it I couldn’t stick to anything because I was so focused on not seeing those results. It was extremely unfulfilling. I spent so long never accomplishing anything or being satisfied with those around me. It tends to make you a bit bitter and unhappy as well. At least in my experience.

Being patient and allowing things to unfold as they need to is the only way you are going to see not just change, but change for the better. Personally I am moving more towards valuing quality over quantity.

Putting a band aide over an infected wound isn’t really solving the problem. It’s just patching it for the time being. I would rather see results that are sustainable over time because they were done correctly and I’m only realizing that now that I’m older.

What do you think? Are you patient in your expectations? How effective do you think the results will be if you are?

Let me know!

-BBG

Important Boundaries

boundaries-2I received some advice the other day from a friend that I have a lot of respect for and it was so great I wanted to share it with you.

It’s no secret to those that know me that I come from a more privileged household and family. I am fully aware of it. We weren’t always that way, but my parents scratched and clawed throughout their lives to live the amazing life they have now and provide a better one for their kids. (That’s definitely a story for another time.)

However, because I come from this type of household, my parents do a lot for me. I would even argue that they go above and beyond for me to insure that I am happy. It’s amazing to have those types of people in your life and I am so grateful for everything that they do and I certainly don’t think it’s an expectation. When they do things for me it’s an amazing gift and sometimes I can’t even describe how lucky I feel I am sometimes.

That being said, because my parents do a lot for me, I tend to spend a lot of time just sucking things up, not saying anything to them and just pushing through if they ask something of me that makes me uncomfortable or upset. I do this because I never want to seem ungrateful or selfish. I think “How ungrateful or selfish is this going to make me look if I say no? I know they do everything for me and I should just do what they ask but this small thing is going to make me feel very uncomfortable. Should I argue it and say no or should I just grin and bare it?” Some of you know me better than others so to throw this out there… I have anxiety issues so occasionally small weird changes or requests can sometimes throw me off and heighten my anxiety.

Most of the time I end up biting my tongue and just doing it and because I do it so often with my parents, I tend to do it for others too. I say to myself “Whatever, I’m capable of sucking it up so they can be happy. It’s just easier than someone thinking negatively of me.” It’s draining on you when you do things like that. It’s not all the time, but it does feel like you are sacrificing a bit of yourself when you do things like that. The few times I have stuck to my guns, I feel like I am made to feel guilty and selfish afterwards for not just saying yes.

Well of course this recently came up and a friend of mine happened to be around and give me some advice that really helped me see another side of things. (She’s a pretty wise chick if you ask me).

Set boundaries for yourself. If there are certain things you don’t want to sacrifice or do, don’t do them. If people don’t like your reaction or your answer, it’s really not your fault. You can’t help the way they are going to feel. How are you going to alter their feelings? It’s realistically not going to happen.

Okay great. Much easier said than done. That same friend did tell me it took YEARS for her to finally be comfortable with this. She mentioned she used to try and please people often as well. But how does this play in with my parents who do so much for me all the time? Don’t I need to seem grateful?

It won’t be easy. People might sometimes become angry or upset with you. It’s about you being comfortable with that. Not them. Like I said earlier you can’t help the way that they feel. Likewise I have to be comfortable with the fact that what my parents do for me is a gift and if my reaction to some of those small things causes them to think that I’m ungrateful for what they give and they stop giving, then that is something that I will have to live with and endure. She was absolutely right. My mind was blown. What liberating advice for someone like me.

We should set boundaries in our relationships about the things we are willing and not willing to do or sacrifice. Maybe you’re the type of person that doesn’t need to and can be comfortable doing whatever. That’s wonderful, but most people have limits, even if it’s with small things. We shouldn’t have give up those limits or be made to feel guilty about them when we have them.

Again, easier said than done. It’s definitely a change that would take many years for me to completely transition to a place where I am comfortable with it, but you can certainly believe it’s some advice I am going to take to heart and try and incorporate into some of the decisions I make. I know it’s going to feel very uncomfortable with me at first, but you can’t make changes to your life without being pushed out of your comfort zone.

That being said, I also think communication is a key part of this as well. You need to be able to fully explain why something makes you so upset or uncomfortable or overwhelmed. Hopefully they are the type of friend or family that is willing to listen and understand your side of it. I am fortunate enough that those in my life are open to having good conversations around these types of things. If they aren’t then you might start needing to re-think that relationship entirely. – But that’s advice for another day.

Have a good weekend everybody!

-BBG

Remember…

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It’s 9/11. As Americans, this is a big day for us. We remember our loss and devastation. However, we also remember how we came together as a nation, despite our differences, to stay strong and overcome something that affected each and everyone of us in some way, whether directly or indirectly.

We call it a day where time stood still for Americans. Do you remember where you were? I do. I was a freshman in high school, sitting in my 1st period World History class when the devastating news was announced over the speakers. Immediately the entire school tried to flock towards the nearest TV for more information. Everybody was either in the library or the cafeteria anxiously sitting and listening as updates come in. Nobody attended classes that day. Not even the teachers.

9/11 affected all of us in different ways. Many were inspired to enlist and fight for what they believed in. Our country. Other’s were inspired to serve their country closer to home as firefighters, police officers and even paramedics. They remember what happened and wanted to help in some way. I’m extremely proud that I can call many of those that risk and have risked their lives to serve and protect our country and its people my friends and family. They risk more than we civilians could ever understand on a daily basis.

Today I remember and honor their bravery. Not just the bravery of those that responded to 9/11, but all that serve our country everyday. Emergency workers, veterans and those currently in active duty. They knowingly charge into dangerous situations each and every day so we don’t have to.

Let’s remember those that serve us now and those that we lose to service each and everyday. Don’t let the hate around the world today blind you from recognizing what these individuals give up in order to make your life safer everyday and don’t let the actions of one individual skew your entire opinion of these groups as a whole. One action or behavior should not define the collaborative.

Remember. Remember those we lost. Remember the bravery of those that serve. Remember to be grateful. Remember to be thankful. Remember to honor. Remember to respect. Remember to love.

-BBG

Shout out to all the Emergency workers all over Florida right now helping those after the aftermath of Irma and those that helped after Harvey down in Texas. I know my family and friends that are all still down there are grateful for your service after these devastating storms.

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P.S. We are still collecting items for the victims of Harvey. My fellow Connecticut YRs and I are holding a drive to collect supplies to help them get through this tough time. Please consider donating water, non-perishable food or diapers to our cause. I’m sure we will be doing something for Irma soon as well. Remember… every little bit counts.

Here is a video with more information: